Bicycles & the Art of Life

Words from an old guy

I love that campaign, “It gets better.” It’s true. And not just for gay youth. For everybody. It’s, well, it’s just not the whole truth.

While it does get better, it also will get worse sometimes. There will be days when life sucks. And I don’t mean “a bad day at work” sucks or even “I feel lonely sucks.” I mean “your best friend is dying sucks” or “your wife is leaving you sucks.” Days where the pain is so bad it takes your breath away. Life can be really hard.

But then it does get better. One day the sun rises and you start seeing beauty here and there again. A song brings you joy. An act of kindness restores your soul. 

But brace yourself. It will suck again. And then it will get better again. Turns out that that’s life. There are days of utter darkness and days where the beauty is so profound it steals your breath away. 

So why do I tell you this? Because on those dark days it helps to know that the light of dawn will break through again. It will. But it also helps to know that the sun will set too. And then be followed by dawn again. 

My brother had 2 sons and lost each of them to childhood diseases. (One died of muscular dystrophy.) I don’t know how he goes on. I can not, even with the pain I’ve experienced in my life, comprehend how he still manages to wake up each morning and go on. But he does. And I am thankful to my core that he does. Life goes on. Parts of your heart may be torn out, but it does not rip all the beauty from the world. 

There will be pain in your life like you’ve never known. You will surprise yourself with your strength. There will also be moments of grace in your life that you are completely unprepared for and will bring you to your knees in gratitude. 

Even at my age, I expect each of these states to be never-ending when I am in them. But, yes, they end. (Many are the “regular” days too. In hindsight it turns out these are really awesome days too!) It is my hope that knowing that neither state is permanent will help you cope. And also help you brace for the next wave. 

Peace to each of you, my Tumblr friends. 

I’m 52 years old and some days I still want to run away from home. And work. And all the bullshit that’s piled up,over those years. I want to run to the woods and live naked and wild and unfettered by others’ expectations and rules. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.
But I have responsibilities for others I love. And so I will walk the line, follow the rules and as Thoreau so fucking aptly put, lead a life of quiet desperation.
But I tell you - some day in the future when you see an old naked guy rejoicing in the forest - applaud him. For I will have broken the bonds of society. I will be in the moment and alive. Someday.